


I'm Sorry Mr. Wojick

by Lemongrass13



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: M/M, This is crack, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:31:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12895149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemongrass13/pseuds/Lemongrass13
Summary: This takes place after the boys get off the island,  and this is an interview of the boys. I wrote this in twenty minutes for an english assignment last year, where we had to imagine what happened after the island. The title is an apology to my english teacher, Mr. Wojick, as he had to grade this. Somehow I got a 100 on this assignment, so enjoy.





	I'm Sorry Mr. Wojick

           “Welcome back to the show ‘I’m just Saen’ everyone, I’m still your host, Golda Saen, and have we got a treat for our viewers tonight. Ten years ago during the last World War, a group of boys on their way here in a plane, crashed onto an island in the atlantic ocean where they would be trapped for three long years.” She pauses and the screen behind her flashes images of the boys just after they were found, Jack and Roger covered in clay masks, Ralph clutching at his side, and the island burning. The crowd gasps.  
“Well these young survivors agreed to join us ten years later to talk about their experiences. Please welcome our guests tonight; Jack Merridew, Ralph Crusoe, Roger Morgan, Sam Hill, Eric Hill, and Percival Wemys Madison!” She shouts throwing her hand to the side, as the gaggle of young men walk on stage.  
They stumble on, Jack looking polished wearing an expensive suit, Roger in a plain outfit of jeans and a red shirt, Sam and Eric in matching button downs and khakis, Percival Wemys Madison in an oversized sweater, and Ralph adorned in a plaid blazer and loafers. They all sit down on Golda’s oversized stage couch.  
          “Gentlemen, thank you for coming today.” She says, smile still plastered  
          “Thank you for having us Golda.” Ralph responds, as he puts a hand in his blazer pocket and it can be seen he is nervously rubbing the frame of an old pair of glasses. Roger crosses his arms  
          “Now, let’s start sad, how did being on that island for three years affect you?” Golda asks.The boys all shift uncomfortably before Ralph speaks up.  
          “The first year we had it made, we had rules we followed them. We had enough to eat and drink, and our shelters weren’t great but we had fair weather anyway. Then the second year rolled around.” Ralph says looking down. “Piggy was the only one keeping track of time, but even he lost track so we didn’t even realize a year had passed.”  
          “You say Piggy, now who was he to you?” Golda asks  
          “He was like my best friend there, he was smart ad he had good ideas, even though they were ignored, he kept me hoping even when I lost sight of why we needed to do certain things. He is probably the reason we lasted as long as we did.” Ralph answers, he pulls out the wire frames from his pocket fully “This is all I have left of him.” He turns sharply and glares at Roger  
          “The isolation and lack of supervision messes with a kid,” Jack says, eyes downcast and haunted “You become more aggressive, you lose sight of right and wrong.”  
Sam and Eric just looked at each other and smiled sadly  
          “We lost two boys on that island-” Sam says  
          “Simon and Piggy.” Eric finishes. Percival tears up.  
          “You morons, you bloody fools we lost three kids! We lost Simon, Piggy and James.” He shouts before storming offstage, the sound of weeping following him.  
          “Who was James?” Roger asks, apathetic. Eric buries his head in his hands.  
          “It was the kid with the odd birthmarks, from when we started the first fire.” He whispers  
          “I’m sorry to have brought up such painful memories boys, “ She turns to the audience “Let’s give them all a couple minutes before we start talking again during the commercial break.”  
                  ***Merridew BBQ, the best beef and pork you’ll have! All natural recipes, offered in every location across the country, come in and have a bite.***  
          “So boys, now that we have had a bit to calm down, let’s talk about Simon and Piggy, what happened to them?” Golda asks  
          “Roger killed him!” Eric says angrily  
          “I did not!” Roger protests  
          “You were the one to launch the rock at him, everyone saw.” Ralph says, bitterly  
          “Gravity killed him.” Roger says as form of explanation. That was when Ralph saw red. One moment, the boys were all sitting, the next, Ralph was on top of Roger, wailing on him. Eric and Sam pull him off and Roger spits at Ralph.  
          “You f****** killed him you stick sharpening freak!” Shouts Ralph again as Sam forces him into his seat.  
          “Boys, don’t use that kind of- Golda is cut off  
          “Gravity killed him. Besides Ralph, you killed Simon.” Roger says matter of factly. The crowd gasps  
          “No I didn’t!” Ralph responds. Sam and Eric wince  
          “Actually Roger-””We all did”  
          “Especially Jack.” Percival says, piping in. Jack looks appalled at the idea of him being responsible for Simon’s death  
          “I don’t know how Simon died! We fought a creature of sorts, a beast that night, not Simon!” Jack looks at the audience “I would never kill anyone.” He says, pleading the crowd to believe him.  
          “I’d never kill anyone? How do you explain the last week on the island then? The one where you engaged in a giant manhunt after your lackey butt tortured my last friends on the island?” Ralph asks angrily. Jack looks confused.  
          “You were trying to have us all get Ralph to mount him on a pike.” Sam chimes in.  
          “Wait, butt tortured?” Golda asks  
          “Maybe it’s not outright stated, but it was heavily implied.” Roger says eyes gleaming as all eyes whip over to him.  
          “What the heck man?” Percival asks  
          “Were you actually trying to kill me?” Ralph asks  
          “Yes, but I’ve changed, I’m different now.” He pleads again looking to the audience for support only to get booed. Ralph looks somehow both accepting of the answer and shocked at the same time.  
          “I can’t believe you.” He says, and storms off stage  
          "Ralph, please!” Jack shouts and follows Ralph off stage  
          “Looks like it’s time for a word from our sponsors ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be right back.”  
                   *** British Isle Travel Company, taking you to exotic locales to escape the harshness of everyday life, into a state of nature***  
          When they came back the boys were all back on the couch, Ralph sporting a split lip and Jack with a black eye. Occasionally they glared at each other.  
           "So boys, before the break you all mentioned a beast. What do you mean by that?” Gilda asks  
           “It was a snake thing!” Percival shouts  
           “No it had teeth and claws,” “and wings! And the worst face!” SamnEric say. Ralph and Jack look confused and ponder the beast  
           “Well when we prepared for the show we decided to go back to the island to see if we could find anything. We found a small book off the edge of this odd rock outcropping. Jack looks panicked as a picture of the fortress on screen.  
           “Castle rock.” He validates, mouth running dry. Golda looks over and nods as if she understands.  
          “Well, we found this book belonging to a boy named Peter by the edge at the bottom. We thought to to read it. We believe this is the boy you keep referring to as Piggy.” She explains  
          “Peter. Peter.” Ralph repeats  
           “So we have some questions about some of the content, but those can wait for later in the segment. Right now, Peter wrote down that one boy said you all were the beast. What does that mean?” She asks to the boys who all shrug. Then there is a scream from backstage. A thump thump thump works it’s way to the edge of the stage, and as it exits the curtains. The thing is a pig’s head on a stick, bleached skull, but still covered in buzzing masses of flies swarming around their ungodly lord.  
          “Fancy thinking the beast was something you could kill.” It somehow says. The boys all look around confused, except Roger who smiles when he sees his old handiwork. The sharpened stick bounces it’s way over to the couch and it leans against the age.  
          “Who might you be?” Golda asks  
          “I’m part of you. Close,close,close” It says in response. Golda accepts the response. A stage intern runs on and whispers something in her ear.  
          “Welcome Lord of the Flies, the physical manifestation of the darkness that lurks in the hearts of all men, but in your case, the hearts of prepubescent boys.” Golda says warmly to the abomination.  
          “Maybe the real beast was the friends we made along the way?” Percival offers up and the boys nod sagely. A bright light flashes on the stage, like a flash bomb in a trench. Everyone threw their hands up and when the glare died away, and eyes were adjusted, they saw two figures standing in place.  
          “Simon? Piggy?” Ralph asks confused and hopeful “how are you here?”  
          “I have come to fulfill the rest of my Christ allegory by rising from the dead for a bit.” Simon says quietly  
          “And Piggy is here because?” Jack asks  
          “Simon gave me a ride.” Piggy responds. Ralph and SamnEric are tearing up. Ralph throws himself at Simon and Piggy’s feet  
          “Please, I'm sorry I couldn't get you off the island.” Ralph says  
         “Of course i forgive you Ralph, I loved you.” Piggy confesses. The audience gasp, Golda spits from the water bottle she was drinking from  
          “What?” Roger asks  
          “Oh like anyone could be that surprised, I put up with so much bs to still hang with Ralph, even when he was mean.” Piggy says matter of factly.  
          “Yeah I'm not actually that shocked, Ralph was the prettiest boy on the island. That's part of the reason I hated you Piggy, because Ralph favored you.” Jack confesses as well  
           “I favored Piggy because he wasn't a meat obsessed psycho, Jack!” Ralph says.  
           “I could become vegetarian for you!” Jack exclaims. Ralph turns up his nose and faces away from Jack. Golda looks very distressed at her new guests.  
           “So I guess we can go around now and talk about where you are now in your lives.” Golda says eyes darting around between all her guests.  
          “Well Piggy and I have been dead, so not much has changed since the last time we all met up.” Simon says  
          “Sam and I have gotten jobs at the same accounting firms.” Eric says “And we each married a twin, and had twins of our own!” Sam finishes. The audience awws at the happy ending  
           “I began my own barbeque restaurant chain. It has now spanned the country and we will soon be opening in Canada and Mexico.” Jack says, a grin coming to his face as the audience applauds his success.  
           “You’ll hear about what I’ve been up to soon enough.” Roger says.  
           “Okay, that was weird Roger, but as for me I’ve become a college professor and am a successful teacher. “ Ralph says  
           “And what have you been up to Lord of the Flies?” Golda asks  
           “ We are going to have fun on this island. Understand? We are going to have fun on this island!” It says, and begins to repeat itself. The boys begin to distance themselves from the pig head on a stick, when police officers burst through the door.  
          “Roger Smith, Freeze! You are under arrest for the stick butt murders!” One shouts as he draws his weapon.  
           “You’ll never catch me alive!” Roger shouts as he begins to run.  
           “Alright everyone that’s our show for tonight. Join us next week when we meet with a small town lawyer who fought against a system of racial injustice in the courtroom on ‘I’m Just Saen’!” Golda shouts as commotion and sporadic gunfire sounds in the background.


End file.
